I have trouble concentrating lately. Concentration and motivation probably. I'm sure it's just anxiety.
We did the ALS Walk in Richmond on Saturday. It was really good to go, and just amazing to see all of the support that came out. Georgi and my mom came, as well as Lila and Frida (my two classmates from Vienna) and their boyfriends. It has been almost a year since I had seen them last, and sort of out of the blue, Frida messaged me on myspace, having heard about my diagnosis. Her and Lila joined my walk team right away. I can't really describe the feeling that gave me. I lost a lot of people I thought were my friends when I got divorced. Whether it was because they weren't really my friends, or were only "bar friends," or through my own bad judgements, it was hard to wake up one day and know they weren't going to be there. I spent more time devoting attention to friendships I had almost let slide, mostly with former nursing school classmates. I cherish them greatly. But my Austria girls are special in their very own category. We spent every day of 2 weeks together in Vienna and it's true what they say about study abroad trips - you make lasting friendships, even when you don't plan to. After coming home, it was 6 months before I saw them again at my 27th birthday party (surprise!!). Granted, one of them, Kelsey, was MIA, but to see Lila and Frida again was great. It's been a year and a half since the trip, but being around them gives me the same good feelings I had when I was in Vienna. It takes me back to a very good place and I am happy.
I wish I could be one of those people who just lives day to day. No definite plans. Just takes it all as it comes. I try to, honestly I do. But I am nothing without my planning, nothing without my list of things to do, whether on paper or in my head. The worst part about it is learning to accept it when plans fall through, or even fail to start in the first place. And it can be so stupid. An afternoon set up with certain things to do, certain places to go, and something comes up. A planned surprise that gets guessed by the surprisee. A life plan that gets a terminal illness thrown into it, like someone rollerskating down a hill and a stick is thrown in her path. I feel lately like I've been tripped up, fallen, busted, and am having serious trouble getting back up. Even when everyone around me has an out-stretched arm, inviting untold amounts of help and support.
It doesn't help the fact that I was on a roll, and now I don't even remember how to rollerskate.
We did the ALS Walk in Richmond on Saturday. It was really good to go, and just amazing to see all of the support that came out. Georgi and my mom came, as well as Lila and Frida (my two classmates from Vienna) and their boyfriends. It has been almost a year since I had seen them last, and sort of out of the blue, Frida messaged me on myspace, having heard about my diagnosis. Her and Lila joined my walk team right away. I can't really describe the feeling that gave me. I lost a lot of people I thought were my friends when I got divorced. Whether it was because they weren't really my friends, or were only "bar friends," or through my own bad judgements, it was hard to wake up one day and know they weren't going to be there. I spent more time devoting attention to friendships I had almost let slide, mostly with former nursing school classmates. I cherish them greatly. But my Austria girls are special in their very own category. We spent every day of 2 weeks together in Vienna and it's true what they say about study abroad trips - you make lasting friendships, even when you don't plan to. After coming home, it was 6 months before I saw them again at my 27th birthday party (surprise!!). Granted, one of them, Kelsey, was MIA, but to see Lila and Frida again was great. It's been a year and a half since the trip, but being around them gives me the same good feelings I had when I was in Vienna. It takes me back to a very good place and I am happy.
I wish I could be one of those people who just lives day to day. No definite plans. Just takes it all as it comes. I try to, honestly I do. But I am nothing without my planning, nothing without my list of things to do, whether on paper or in my head. The worst part about it is learning to accept it when plans fall through, or even fail to start in the first place. And it can be so stupid. An afternoon set up with certain things to do, certain places to go, and something comes up. A planned surprise that gets guessed by the surprisee. A life plan that gets a terminal illness thrown into it, like someone rollerskating down a hill and a stick is thrown in her path. I feel lately like I've been tripped up, fallen, busted, and am having serious trouble getting back up. Even when everyone around me has an out-stretched arm, inviting untold amounts of help and support.
It doesn't help the fact that I was on a roll, and now I don't even remember how to rollerskate.
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